A Message To The Angel At The Rainbow Bridge

Dear Shakira,

It has been a month since I had to help you cross the rainbow bridge. Letting you go was one of the hardest decisions I had to do in my life. You were giving me your sassy smile the night before you were put to sleep. I know mentally you were hanging in there, but your body couldn’t withstand the damage from cancer anymore. Your breathing was getting worse, and the tumors had begun to bleed again. The cancer caused your back legs to fail, and you couldn’t sleep comfortably without respiratory issues. The next morning when you refused to eat—I knew it was over.

We miss you every day. Home is not the same without. When I go visit Mami and Alondra the silence is so loud. The sound of your paws running against the hardwood floor is gone along with your excited barks. I miss hearing the squeak of your toys. That sound never lasted long because the squeaker would break within ten minutes once you found it. No one can say you didn’t love your toys. I had to put away your things the day we came home without you because it hurt Mami too much to see them. It will all be donated to an animal shelter so other dogs in need can make use of your toys (the ones that survived) and sweaters.

Mami and Alondra kept the pink bunnies you cherished. Alondra put the sweater she bought for you from Duke University on her rabbit. She is handling her grief in her own way. I know Mami feels your absence on the days she is alone in the apartment. You made sure she was okay. Papi was your snack buddy when he visited and even though he was against adopting you at first, you quickly won him over. He loved driving you around in the car. I see the sad look on his face when he opens the door, and you are not there to greet him.

As for me, I still can’t see pictures of you without bursting into tears. Gil hid them away for now. He kept your green ball; the one you would squeak at him to make him play with you in the morning. You somehow never broke that one. I walk around Joyce Kilmer Park instead of through it because it was our favorite place for you to get your exercise. I lost count of the number of times we would sit on the grass and just enjoy the breeze and warm sun. Seeing everyone else in the park with their dogs has been—well, I am still learning how to cope with that feeling.

I miss the little things too: your love for carrots, throwing out the trash with you, the warmth of your fur against my cold feet at night when we allowed you to sleep on the bed. You made me laugh every time you were nosey and got on the futon to stare out the window. I still have days where I blame myself for not doing more to try to save your life. I know we all did the best we possibly could—I really am sorry, Shaki…

I also want to express my gratitude to you. You gave us ten years of laughs, licks, and unconditional love. Not every day was perfect. You got into a lot of mischiefs, especially as a puppy. The Christmas tree was never safe once the gift bags were around it. You poked your whole head into them and removed whatever gift was in there just out of curiosity. We got to take you on various road trips and your Tia’s spoiled you. In the summer you loved splashing your paws in the cool water from the open hydrants. I want to thank you for so much:

Thank you for helping Mami lift her spirits when she was fighting her own cancer battle. Your cuddles made her feel better.

Thank you for softening Papi’s heart even more. I know his childhood wasn’t easy, so seeing him bring out his inner child around you was special.

Thank you for tolerating Alondra’s wild ideas. I understood that she annoyed you at times, but I appreciate that you never bit her, especially the times she deserved it.

Thank you for being a good listener when my mental demons attacked me.

Thank you for teaching Gil about dogs, since he was more of a cat person.

Thank you for helping me stay active. Our walks were great cardio and they helped me clear my head.

Thank you for showing me to just be present and enjoy things at the moment.

Thank you for your sass, for being the best companion, and most of all for your unconditional love.

Thank you for choosing us as your family!

I hope you are at peace on the other side of the rainbow bridge. I hope you found Scrappy and the both of you are playing together and eating all the chicken you want. Maybe you found Abuelo and he is taking care of ya’ll for me until the day we meet again. Don’t worry about me. It’s going to take a while for my heart to heal and that’s okay. I am taking life one day at a time and allowing myself to experience all the emotions that come along with it. Mami, Papi, and Alondra will be alright too. We will always love you. Be free my fluffy, white cloud!

Love always,

Rosita.

P.S. I am remembering you today by sharing these selfies I managed to successfully take when you allowed it. I will treasure them forever.